Last
by Nytewing
Summary: The Last Will and Testament of...


This is a bit AU in that none of the stuff with Elizabeth happened (it'll just mean more if she is still around) . So, she's still the commander and this is sometime after Search and Rescue (although all you need to know is that Teyla had her baby, no real spoilers and other than that it could take place anytime after Ronon joins up).

Last

When it finally happened it took them three days to find the Will. He had hidden it deep in his desk under some old reports he had obviously never filed and some startlingly accurate sketches of the members of the Atlantis expedition (and why had no one known their friend and commander could draw like that?). Written on an old crumpled piece of paper the writing was smudged and almost illegible. Tears sprang to the mission commander's eyes as her fingers brushed the cramped letters and she read it to the others in a shaking voice.

_Being the Final Will and Testament of Lt. Col. John Sheppard, United States Air Force_

_You know I never pictured myself writing one of these until I came to Atlantis. I don't have anyone back on Earth and there was really no point after what happened in Iraq._

_Anyway, I suppose I should be telling you what I want done about a funeral and all that. Don't take my body back to Earth, as I said, no point really. Atlantis was my home. The only true home I've ever had and I would like to be buried here on New Lantea. There is a nice place Teyla and I discovered not too far from the Athosian settlement. You know the one I'm talking about, right Teyla? Where we saw the stars that one night after the siege? Yeah, there. I don't want a big ceremony or anything like that; you don't need to fly a priest in from earth. Although, if someone could tell General O'Neill thank you for me. He'll know what for. _

They did exactly as he said. The ceremony was not big. Everyone from the Atlantis Expedition was there and the General who had original forced him to come on the Expedition had flown out from earth. So, no the ceremony wasn't big, who were they to stop those who wanted to pay their last respects to the empty coffin form coming.

Try as she might before the day they were to bury him (and she tried not to think about the fact that his body was really lying somewhere out in the open rotting away to nothing, unnoticed and alone) she could not convince his father or brother to come receive the flag. In fact it was all she could do not to go back to earth and deck the man when he began talking about what a failure his son was. Instead she settled for calmly telling him that his son was the bravest, best man she had ever met and if she ever heard him saying another bad thing about him she would personally rip his balls off. He hung up rather quickly but she sat staring at the blank screen for a long time, how could anyone not love a man as good as He had been? His broken expression when the mail came suddenly drifted into her mind and she curled up in her chair (the one he so often stole) and cried until they came to get her for the service.

_As for my stuff:  
Ronon can have all my knives (I know they're nothing next to your collection but I figure you might want to add a few earth models to it, just please take special care of the one in the case. My grandfather gave it to me and it was the one that I used to escape when I was a POW the first time)_

_Teyla, I know your people don't value objects the way Earthlings do but in the bottom drawer of my desk there is a small carved box I recued from the Athosian settlement ad was waiting for the right time to give you, inside you'll find the account numbers and statements form a trust fund I set up for Torren if he ever wants to go to Earth. _

_Rodney can have my chess set (yes I've caught you staring enviously at it) and somewhere in my desk (don't know where sorry) I've got the beginning of the answer to Atlantis' energy problems. I don't know if I will have finished the calculations and given it to you yet so just in case…. Oh, and since I'm dead it doesn't matter if I tell you; I was a mathematics major in college. I have my masters is theoretical maths. _

_To Elizabeth goes my copy of War and Peace, you said it was your favorite book and I noticed that you haven't had a copy brought with the Deadalus (at least you hadn't when I wrote this). I would also like it if you would have my sketch book, they're not very good but I think are a few in there you will like. Oh, and I don't know if I ever worked up the courage to tell you but I like you… a lot. _

_You can burn the rest of my stuff, it's not like I need it._

A knife, a box, a board game, and a book. That was all he specified to be left to people and it was the best he could have given them, excepting walking back through the door, alive and well (and they each secretly expected him to do so).

The Knife in the case found its way to the mantle in the Warrior's room where was to remain when hey were not on a mission, the only thing that was ever dusted. A week after the ceremony the Warrior was captured and the knife saved his life.

The box had been the Negotiator's when she was small and it was like finding a long lost friend to see it again (though not the friend she would have wished). It found its way to her bedside table and she placed everything of importance to her inside. She felt as if, when the things were in there, he was watching over them, keeping them safe. The trust fund, she decided would pay for her son to receive an education on Earth. The Scientist assured her that it was more than enough.

For his part the Scientist played game after game against himself in the days leading up to the ceremony, but the challenge was gone and he slowly stopped playing. The last game was left half finished, waiting for the player that was never coming back to make his move. The Scientist instead immersed himself in applying the equations He had figured out. They were accurate and innovative and He had been right, they would solve most of Atlantis' energy problems. The Scientist didn't know whether to curse his friend for not showing them to him sooner or thank him for even doing them. He settled on crying for his lost friend, the first and truest he had ever had.

The Mission Commander was excited to find that the book was filled with His thoughts on what he was reading. It was like seeing inside His head and she liked what she saw. He had revealed that he was a maths major but judging by the thought he put into every comment in the margins he could have been a philosopher. She began responding in her own pen, he hand shaking with grief, but happiness at his last gift of a way to have one last conversation. She chose not to acknowledge the last gift he had given her, for she thought it might just kill her if she thought about what she had missed.

_On a completely unrelated note, I've decided that Atlantis' military commanders have a disturbing tendency of being killed by their XOs, hell, it's already happened to me once. So, Lorne, if you did it…. If you killed me, don't beat yourself up and don't feel guilty. I know you wouldn't have done it unless it was the best thing for Atlantis and I commend you for your actions. Elizabeth, I expect you to keep him from feeling guilty or beating himself up, kid's the best damn XO I've ever had the pleasure of working with and I know he'll be a phenomenal Commander for Atlantis. (And yes, this is my recommendation for his promotion; I realize it's not on official letterhead but….)._

_Hmm, there are also a disturbing number of guilty consciences on Atlantis, so Rodney; if it was some invention of yours or some catastrophe you couldn't prevent, don't go all psycho on your underlings. I'm not around to save them anymore. It wasn't your fault. I don't know how I died but Rodney, you were the best friend a guy could ask for and I'm sorry I didn't tell you that when I was still around to see you get all flustered and speechless. But, I really do mean it. When we came to Atlantis you were a self entered egotistical Bastard (yes, capital B Bastard) and it's been a pleasure watching that change. I can't think of a person (except maybe Kavanaugh) you wouldn't lay down your life for now as much as the thought scares me. Atlantis will be fine so long as you're with her, Rodney, but don't let my Girl get too lonely. She's going to talk to you now, we decided that. Don't worry if you hear a pretty voice, you're not insane. She just likes us. _

_Elizabeth. I don't really have much to say. You are not to blame yourself for any decisions you might have made and you need to get more sleep and eat more. You're doing a good job with Atlantis, scratch that, you are doing an AMAZING job with Atlantis and I'll never be more grateful to anyone than I am to you for inviting me on your expedition. Listen to Rodney and Lorne, they're both good men and won't steer you wrong and follow your heart sometimes, not your head. It won't steer you wrong._

_Ronon, you and Teyla are far too smart to blame yourselves for anything that might have led up to my death but just in case, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm sorry I won't get to spar with you anymore Teyla (try teaching Rodney or Lorne; that would be fun) and Ronon think of this as a break from my kicking your ass in our runs. Ronon, please protect my people, they will need your strength and Teyla, don't let them doing anything spectacularly stupid. A little stupidity is okay; most of the best plans need a little stupidity, but don't let them get themselves killed. _

_Rodney, I know you always wondered but actually managed to refrain from asking about my wrist band. It was my friend Holland's, given to him by his grandfather. Holland was the man I couldn't save in Iraq, the one who died in my arms. He was the very best friend I have ever had until I came here and before I met you all I didn't think I would ever have anyone else like that. Thank you. _

_Lt. Col. John Sheppard_

He had tried to make it easy on them but in the end nothing was the same without him. Their missions were less successful and the Scientist feared that when the next catastrophe rolled around they would not have that element of crazy to come up with the perfect plan and save the day. But then again it didn't really matter because, for all of his efforts otherwise, the leaders of the Expedition were drowning in guilt and sorrow and nothing save a miracle would save them.

But wait there's more! This is a one shot so people who want him to stay dead may pretend that it happens that way, but if enough people want to read it I'll be writing a longer, multi-chapter sequel…..


End file.
